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| User: | reallybadpoetry (558355) Professor Roy and the Amazingly Bad Poetry Journal
some are mathematicians, some are carpenter's wives |
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| Name: | Professor Roy and the Amazingly Bad Poetry | |||||
| E-mail: | amazinglybadpoetry@gmail.com | |||||
| LJ Talk: |
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| AOL IM: |  awkwardboyhero (Add Buddy, Send Message) | |||||
| Bio: | MISSION STATEMENT: In fact, I start to wonder if what we have here is really two poems, or three, or four, or possibly none. -Billy Collins, excerpt from "Workshop" Think of the most dreadful poem you've ever read (or written). Got one? These are worse. Call me Professor Roy. Welcome to the Amazingly Bad Poetry Journal. I seek to rid the world of really bad poetry by reviewing some of the worst that I find ... on the filthy hive that is poetry.com. I'm a sort of "bad poetry superhero" if you will. This is my calling. This is my curse. If you visit poetry.com, there's a link which provides you with real-time entries to poetry.com, a new one every 20 seconds. Which is longer than most of these poems deserve. If you read too many of these poems in one sitting, you will get a headache akin to the feeling of a coyote gnawing on your skull. To quote a friend of mine, speaking about poetry.com in his blog (the partial inspiration for the ABPJ): it's "not as much like witnessing a train wreck (and not being able to look away); it's more like being subject to a constant stream of increasing violent and depressing train wrecks (and not being able to look away)." These poems are horrible. And I don't think they know they're horrible. And that may be the worst part. I believe the respective authors think these poems are good. There are contests on poetry.com and cash prizes are offered. Please, if you value everything good and honest, do not enter any poem to poetry.com. Poetry.com runs a scam and I don't understand how it is legal. Everyone who enters the contest gets a form letter that states something like: "Congratulations, you are a semi-finalist for the grand price of $10,000 with your poem ... " It is pretty much their equivalent of "you may already be a winner." After that point, you can order a large book (for about $50) with your poem squished onto a page with several others (6 to 14 to a page). They invite you to a poetry.com convention (for another large fee), promising entertainment, enlightenment and possible prizes. You can order mousepads and mugs and CDs and totebags with your poem on it -- and lots of other junk. Is it all becoming clear now? They're scum to the nth degree, my friends. They prey on the impressionable, on the naive, on the hopeful, on the emotionally fragile, on the deluded. They feed off of peoples emotions, making them believe they have talent and are now a published poet. Poetry.com's behavior is microscopic compared to the rest of the worlds evils, yes, but poetry is supposed to be a beautiful thing. And by their actions, they bend, fold and mutilate the muse. Poetry.com will attempt to make these people, the people whose work I review here, believe that they are good poets. And that's just not true. It's not fair that poetry.com lies to these people, essentially trying to flatter them to the point where they buy what they sell. I could go on for pages on their incorrigible behavior. But luckily for you, there is an excellent collection of information about poetry.com at this website. Why do I do what I do? Because it is something I enjoy doing and everyone should have something they enjoy. Because it amuses me. Because I despise poetry.com and everything that it stands for. Because these poems are hilariously bad and someone has to tell the truth. Should these people stop writing poems because these poems are so lousy? No. I hope they're able to write better than this someday. They should be aware of their limitations and their faults. Poetry dot com won't do it for them. I won't do it either. After all, what I do here is nothing more than comedy schlock. The ABPJ is dedicated to Mystery Science Theater 3000, Lewis Black, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, George Carlin, brunching.com, lileks.com, and the amazingly bad poetry of poetry.com. Because there has apparently been some confusion, I am not a real professor. I only play one on the internet(s). In case any of you are interested about my real life (I don't talk about much besides bad poetry here), I have another web-log here, ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} awkwardboyhero...read about my frustrations, infatuations, and imaginary conversations. Read it before everything gets subpoenaed.Thank you for reading. "In our sleep, pain which cannot forget drops, falls drop by drop upon the heart until in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful Grace of God." -Aeschylus "There is nothing. There is no god and no universe. There is only empty space, and in it, a lost and homeless and wandering and companionless and indestructible thought, and I am that thought. And god and the universe and time and life and death and joy and sorrow and pain only a grotesque and brutal dream evolved from the frantic imagination and that insane thought." -Mark Twain "At that moment another dismal scream rent the air and Zaphod shuddered. "What can do that to a guy?" he breathed. "The Universe," said Gargravarr simply, "the whole infinite Universe. The infinite suns, the infinite distances between them, and yourself an invisible dot on an invisible dot, infinitely small." "Hey, I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox, man, you know," muttered Zaphod trying to flap the last remnants of his ego." -Douglas Adams | |||||
| Memories: | 37 entries | |||||
| Interests: | 95: aimee mann, alfred hitchcock, all things considered, amazing race, anne frank, anti-george bush, audrey hepburn, bad poetry, beatles, belle & sebastian, bloom county, bob dylan, brian michael bendis, caffeine, cannibal the musical, cat stevens, cheese, chuck palahniuk, comics, conan o'brien, dar williams, davy rothbart, dear nora, decemberists, documentaries, don hertzfeldt, douglas adams, drawing, edgar degas, ella fitzgerald, elliott smith, found magazine, fozzie bear, george harrison, george lucas, gershwin, graphic novels, ira glass, jason anderson, jaws, jazz, jeff buckley, john lennon, kermit the frog, kids in the hall, lewis and clark college, liberals, maura tierney, michael moore, monty python, mp3s, mst3k, muppets, nat king cole, natalie portman, newsradio, nick hornby, npr, opus, oz, pablo neruda, parker posey, peace on earth, pixar, poetry, portland, powells books, quentin tarantino, rilo kiley, rushmore, san francisco, san francisco giants, sarah vowell, scrabble, sending emails to myself, sesame street, shakespeare, star wars, stephen king, the exorcist, the godfather, the wonder years, they might be giants, this american life, tina fey, tintin, tmbg, tom waits, true crime, vincent van gogh, wilco, woodstock 1969, woody allen, yosemite, zombies | |||||
| Schools: | None listed | |||||
| Friends: | ||||||
| Mutual Friends: | 294: 4bdn_angel, _lethe_, a_doobie, abeja, adellyna, ahrid, akiyume, aliveinthejar, anelusivetruth, angrybunnyman, anonymoussorrow, anothererratum, apostropher, ashesinthefall, auntie_christ, ave_athanasy, awkwardboyhero, awriter, aynrandpoll, azzie, badassfaerie, badlovemojo, batmoon, beandelphiki, beaniekins, bellatemple, biquet, birdee, biscuitbarrel, bixxy, blackopiumpoppy, blue_lightning, boblordofevil, boredlance, borrowedwings, boundariezzz, briar_faerie, bryanade, bug_complex, by_motorways, cactus_rs, calamityjake, calsita, celaeno, charisma, chocolatepickle, chunkypunkyboy, cleanlikegod, comeonandvogue7, cpelkey, crazyquagga, dandellion_seed, dania_audax, danihana, darkship, dblthnk84, defpotek, dirtyrita, distantstar02, dmwcarol, dougs, drainbead, duff_guy, elenuial, elphanet, erleichda, erture, euchrid, eusashead, faye_ness, fearlesstemp, feignedrhapsody, filmfemme, fishandcandy, flycat_noisette, font_si, for18days, for_your_safety, fotojager, francophile84, funkmeister, gagdoll, gbelladauna, gerbie, ghentreader, ghostsandrobots, glenberube, god_dot_com, gonzaloguerrero, greatsavings, handsome_cole, hazliya, headingnorth, heartical, howrude, i_get_stabby, iamnotbroken, idyla, imjustcurious, imuuru2, incrediblweirdo, introspection63, irene_adler, jarbabyj, jathomas, jaxraven, jekca, jelliclecat, jellybeanblues, jervo, jodimelancholy, jpnadia, juicypineapple9, juniper1, justsomefool4u, ka_crow, karmabuena, kashek, kathyrhino, katie_luu, keith, kellysullenjr, kevink, kevinsjournal, kilobytesprite, kimeve, kizlj, kleenexwoman, kpht, kristy_chan, kuwisdelu, kyliej, la_bitessa, ladulcinea, lapetitechienne, laughingrat, lauuren, leentigress, lelenia, lemming_radio, lemurmaster, letdowntourist, letters_in_sand, lintilla, little_speaker, ljkrissy, lllvis, lnhammer, lockedincloset, lola_leviathan, ... | |||||
| Member of: | 28: animation, bookish, computer_help, computersupport, conan_obrien, customers_suck, damnportlanders, dear_you, found_magazine, foundphotos, geeksnfreaks, itunesmusic, loveline, mst3k, muppets, my_scrubs, newsradio, rilokiley, scans_daily, sfgiantsfans, starwars, stephenking, thegoodoledays, thequestionclub, tmbg, video_geeks, voyager_fans, whatwasthatone | |||||
| Account type: | Basic Account | |||||
