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Professor Roy and the Amazingly Bad Poetry Journal

like shooting barrels in a fish

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Name:
Professor Roy and the Amazingly Bad Poetry
Birthdate:
31 October 1978
External Services:
  • reallybadpoetry@livejournal.com
  • awkwardboyhero AIM status
MISSION STATEMENT:

In fact, I start to wonder
if what we have here
is really two poems, or three, or four,
or possibly none.

-Billy Collins, excerpt from "Workshop"


Think of the most dreadful poem you've ever read (or written). Got one? These are worse. Welcome to the Amazingly Bad Poetry Journal. I seek to rid the world of really bad poetry by reviewing some of the worst that I find on the hive that *was* poetry.com and other poetry archives out there.

If you read too many of these poems in one sitting, you will get a headache akin to the feeling of a coyote gnawing on your skull. To quote a friend of mine, it's "not as much like witnessing a train wreck (and not being able to look away)...it's more like being subject to a constant stream of increasing violent and depressing train wrecks (and not being able to look away)." These poems are horrible. And I don't think they know they're horrible. And that may be the worst part. I believe the respective authors think these poems are good.

The greatest inspiration for this site, Poetry.com, now has a new owner and a new site -- and apparently a new perspective. But for years (before its recent downfall), the International Library of Poetry (at poetry.com) was a vanity publisher and collection of semi-animate pond scum that went out of its way to convince people that their poems were brilliant. This was so their customers would then buy their junk (books, tote bags, mouse pads, tickets to conventions, etc.). The site preyed on the naive, the emotionally fragile, and on the deluded. They made their visitors believe in their talent by turning them into a "published" poet. I could go on for pages on their incorrigible behavior, but it would all be moot because as of March 2009, the International Library of Poetry is NO MORE. It is kaput. I could not be happier...although it might be a little harder to find poems now.

Why do I do what I do? Because it amuses me. Should these people stop writing poems because these poems are so lousy? No. I hope they're able to write better than this someday. They should be aware of their limitations and their faults. But that's not my job. I'm only here to mock.

The ABPJ is dedicated to George Carlin, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Lewis Black, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, and all of the amazingly bad poetry out there. I'm not actually a professor, or even named Roy. Thank you for reading.

"At that moment another dismal scream rent the air and Zaphod shuddered.
"What can do that to a guy?" he breathed.
"The Universe," said Gargravarr simply, "the whole infinite Universe. The infinite suns, the infinite distances between them, and yourself an invisible dot on an invisible dot, infinitely small."
"Hey, I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox, man, you know," muttered Zaphod trying to flap the last remnants of his ego."
-Douglas Adams


(In case any of you are interested about my real life, I have another web-log here, awkwardboyhero...read about my frustrations, infatuations, and imaginary conversations. Read it before everything gets subpoenaed.)

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