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Amazingly Bad Poetry Journal Review - The Hope Chest

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Jul. 4th, 2011 | 06:54 pm

The Hope Chest
by Lynette


The quilts that Grandma held so dear
Still fragrant with the scent of her
I keep in that place always near
An old photo album with relatives
Most that I have never met
The ballet slippers covered in pink chiffon
That I have coward to try on
A cameo that captures a life lived so well
That came with stories told me, that now I
can tell
But the one item I will cherish the most
Is the Wedding dress she wore that day when
she was the toast
This is my Hope Chest from Grandma to me
Made of a beautiful cherry wood tree
And one day it will be passed from me to
My Granddaughter
As only it should be


I'm sure some of you read the APBJ because you're horrified by what I do here. Or maybe you're a first-time visitor to my humble comedy schtick and you're already horrified at my review of a poem that was probably read at someone's memorial service. I'm fine with horror. I'll be the first person to admit that this blog is morally reprehensible. If you believe in hell, I'm on a Japanese bullet train non-stop to that destination. Now that we have all of that out of the way -- is anyone else imagining the mummified corpse of Grandma in the chest, under the ballet slippers and quilts? And if I'm the only one, what's wrong with me? There must be something wrong with a person who thinks that after reading "The quilts that Grandma held so dear / Still fragrant with the scent of her." See above: it's been well-established that I'm a bit of a dick.

I like how the cameo carries stories with it, and Lynette tells us that these are stories passed down to her -- but considering Lynette has never heard of "show, don't tell," these stories must be snoozefests. Or else Lynette has no idea of any treasured stories and she doesn't exactly know what a cameo is.

I'd like to know what happened with lines 6 and 7: "The ballet slippers covered in pink chiffon / That I have coward to try on." It's like Lynette began to write "The ballet slippers / that I have yet to try on" but fell asleep in the middle of writing the lines. This is a great example of why it's proofread to necessary. There's also the very scary but very real possibility that Lynette thinks this line makes sense as is. The word "coward" appears in place of the word "yet," as if this was a subliminal message to herself, as if Lynette has a touch of the good ol' TV crime drama show favorite, multiple personality disorder. I've read this poem several times, and there's no other subliminal accusations scattered in it. If I had a nefarious streak, I'd add my own, just to make this poem more interesting.

Speaking about being a dick, what about this tradition with the hope chest? It's passed down from grandmother to granddaughter? What about if there's no granddaughter? Why is it only limited to granddaughters? If Grandma had a daughter, shouldn't it go to her? And if Lynette has a daughter, shouldn't that daughter have a right to the chest? Has there ever been a legal dispute over the rightful owner of this antique chest? If there isn't, there's bound to be one, considering how ill-constructed the rules are. I'm not done. Let's say Lynette gives birth to sons and those sons produce nothing but more sons. Is Lynette obligated to give the chest to her grandson so he can then saddle his wife with an antique that doesn't even belong to her family? Or -- and this seems like the more reasonable possibility -- is Lynette obligated to be cremated along with the chest? The chest is more trouble than it's worth.

Bad Poetry Grade [F = your standard bad poem; A+ = worst poem imaginable]: C-
zoinks!!
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Comments {3}

Shiori Coybito

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from: darkship
date: Jul. 5th, 2011 06:33 pm (UTC)
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I like the bit about "when she was the toast". Makes me think that she rolled up to her wedding lightly grilled and covered in butter.

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Professor Roy and the Amazingly Bad Poetry

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from: reallybadpoetry
date: Jul. 31st, 2011 02:43 am (UTC)
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Hottt.

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