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Amazingly Bad Poetry Journal Review - Saying Goodbye

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Mar. 8th, 2011 | 11:14 pm

Saying Good-Bye
by Carrie


I woke up early that morning
it was the first time in years I was up before sunrise.
The house was silent, the kids left years ago and
they all have families of their own.
I recorded the show you like to watch and I made
your favorite breakfast pancakes with homemade strawberry syrup.
I cannot wait to see you, Jonathan
I miss your smile, laughter, sarcastic remarks,
and I miss your hugs and kisses.
I grabbed my coat and was out the door
I got into my car and drove to your home to visit you one more time.
Doctor Shapiro thinks it is unhealthy for me
to keep visiting you because I will never move on.
This will be the last time I see you.
I open the car door and walked toward the
entrance to your new home, I put flowers on the doorstep,
I looked down as tears began to slide down my face.
I grabbed the shovel from the trunk
so I could hug you one more time,
I just wanted to say good-bye; I just wanted to say good-bye.


I've reviewed some miserable poetry on the ABPJ, but this one wins the gold cigar. This one is going to haunt me long after I post it. The pancakes were the kicker. Hell, lady, most of the batch is going to waste. That's tremendously sad even if you're not the cheapest person on earth who hates seeing food going to waste (that is, me).

For all of you who are disgusted that I'm mocking the geniune grief of a woman in a great deal of pain, I've committed much worse sins. That is, there's better reasons for you to be disgusted. For example, you can instead be disgusted by my certainty that this poem is a piece of manipulative bullshit fiction. I'll go so far as to call it a trashy death poem. There are trashy romance novels, trash sci-fi novels, this is a trashy poem on the subject of love/loss/death. This is not based on Carrie's real life. She is portraying a woman whose brain has thrown a rod. I'll tell you why: no actual mourning person would express their pain in a poem with a surprise ending. Not only is it a surprise ending, but it's an entirely unbelievable surprise ending. It's not clever. It's not sad or touching. It's not even that disturbing, relatively speaking. In order to believe the rest of the poem, you have to believe that she put a shovel in the back of her Chrysler with the intention of digging up the casket so she can hug him one more time. Let's hope she has a iron-clad stomach. Okay, I hear the populace saying, the shovel might have been a fantasy born out of inconsolable grief, but the rest of the poem might be real, eh? Eh nothing. I doubt any real widow would want to entertain theat sort of idea. Maybe a character in a movie ("Pet Semetary") or a TV show ("Twin Peaks"), but not real life. She wanted to shock us. Did she shock you?

In the build-up to the shocking twist, you will notice that she deliberately avoids showing her hand. The gravesite is the "entrance to [his] new home" and she places flowers on the "doorstep," meaning the gravemarker. But even gerbils know that she's talking about a grave at this point. She's not laying flowers on the doorstep of his new condo. Doesn't doorstep suggest that the gravestone is a door? I picture the gravedigger swinging open the stone, dropping the casket inside, and then shutting it. My imagination also ran wild in regard to the strawberry syrup. Did Jonathan and his widow live in an International House of Pancakes? I'll be tremendously surprised if any of you have had strawberry syrup outside of a restaurant.

Bad Poetry Grade [F = your standard bad poem; A+ = worst poem imaginable]: C+

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Comments {4}

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from: bugsrcool
date: Jun. 11th, 2011 11:10 pm (UTC)
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I am terrible with poetry, this will be my new fave blog. I might even be a bad writer, too. But yeah, the shovel thing kills it ... I don't think it's weird to have strawberry syrup if you like it, and you should know that if you're really cheap!! (j/k) Eating in is way cheaper than IHOP. You could eat fancy Japanese cook-in-front-of-you food for cheaper.

This blog inspires me :)

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from: bugsrcool
date: Jun. 11th, 2011 11:11 pm (UTC)
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btw, what do you mean when you are talking about deliberately not "showing her hand"?

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Professor Roy and the Amazingly Bad Poetry

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from: reallybadpoetry
date: Jun. 11th, 2011 11:22 pm (UTC)
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As in the author is being deliberately secretive about how the poem is going to end. You don't want to show your 'hand' when you're playing cards. The author doesn't want to show her hand before the reader gets to the end of the poem.

http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/show+hand

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Ann Jie Ching

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from: Ann Jie Ching
date: Jul. 23rd, 2012 06:22 pm (UTC)
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Re shoveling up your dead lover, you might want to look at Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights. lol

I found this site really hilarious. The poems are to die for but your commentary takes the cake. Thanks for the laughs!

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