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Amazingly Bad Poetry Journal Review - Falling Angel

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Dec. 24th, 2010 | 03:25 pm

Falling Angel
by Michael

I am gazing at the azure sky
When I saw a two-winged object falling
From the sky down to the ground
Crashed in the land with a gentle sound
Curiosity mesmerize me to search

I see a helpless creature
A vulnerable one....
No one to bare, No one to share
At that very time I see a reflection
A reflection of myself

As I go nearer in the object
My doubts slowly turn into trust
All my fears vanish really fast
I touched her with my bare hands
A great feeling swallowed me

Holding her,I felt an inner peace
Like a child found his security blanket
And I know her feeling is mutual
I just wish heaven would not take her away
And I hope she can be my ANGEL forever...

To quote Tom Servo in a late episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000", 'if I run out of vomit, can I have some of yours?' As much as I might wish that this is not an actual ode to an actual woman, that prayer will go unanswered. It's clear from the last stanza that Michael is probably speaking to a specific person -- to the detriment of all mankind.

I'm wondering if Michael is aware that he constructed a poem around a pick-up line frequently found on lists of sleazy pick-up lines. The guy says "Did it hurt?" The woman says "Did what hurt?" And the guy says "When you fell from heaven?" Only that would never happen. The guy would say "Did it hurt? " and the woman, having read this one in a list of increasingly stupid/insulting pick-up lines in a forwarded email from 1995, would say "Stop breathing my air, douche." I'm almost positive that no one this side of Leisure Suit Larry has actually ever used a punny, "amusing", "flattering" pick-up line.

Okay, maybe Michael has never heard of this pick-up line. Maybe he was just writing about his beloved's metaphorical fall from heaven into his life. Okay, fine, good. But but but but ... did he have to be so repulsive? The word creepy isn't strong enough. In what dimension is it flattering to call your purported soulmate "helpless", as in "I see a helpless creature / A vulnerable one"? What are Michael's fears and why do they vanish "really fast"? If the person is helpless and vulnerable, you generally don't fear that person. And I like how, without any sort of invitation, he is holding her by the last stanza, whereupon he compares to her to a security blanket!

I count two possible Freudian slips in the third stanza. These are essentially my bread and butter. He doesn't go nearer to the angel woman. He goes nearer in the angel. Then a great feeling swallows him. Excuse me, I have to go replace my skin. He also refers to her as an object in this stanza. Now, he sees an object fall from the sky in stanza one. But that was before he knew she was angel. It could have been a rogue satellite, or a duck, or an Archaeopteryx. Really, it could have been one of any number of two-winged objects."Wait," Michael should have said to himself. "Two winged? How many three-winged objects can I name? None? Then 'winged' should be just fine."

"I just wish heaven would not take her away / And I hope she can be my ANGEL forever..." Is heaven threatening to take her away? Does she have an incurable disease? No? Then don't bring it up. It makes it sound like you're going to smother her with a pillow because you don't want other men looking at her.

Bad Poetry Grade [F = your standard bad poem; A+ = worst poem imaginable]: C-
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Comments {2}

everyone laughed like a bastard

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from: unionsquare
date: Dec. 25th, 2010 11:01 am (UTC)

A+ for mst3k reference.

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(no subject)

from: seamonkey_mags
date: Dec. 26th, 2010 02:32 am (UTC)

I totally read "My doubts slowly turn into lust" instead of "trust". Cause, man, it wouldn't be unexpected in this icky masterpiece.

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