Professor Roy and the Amazingly Bad Poetry (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} reallybadpoetry) wrote,@ 2008-03-12 22:04:00 |
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ABPJ Review - Mr. Fix-It
Mr. Fix-It
by Monica; unknown location
Mr. Fix-It can fix anything my heart,
My attitude, my everything.
He's a man of honor, he's a man of grace,
He's a man of pride, I can see it in his face.
Whether it's a broken friendship,
Whether it's a loss of self-esteem,
A look in his eyes can be a guide,
A guide unto the path of my dream.
Mr. Fix-It can fix anything,
My heart, my attitude, my everything.
His atmosphere is filled with imaginable things.
Such a beautiful person inside and out,
So lovely that it makes me want to sing,
So manipulative in a good way that makes me shout.
His walk is invincible,
His voice is louder than a lion's roar.
Everything about him is amazing
And I wouldn't ask for anything more.
Mr. Fix-It can fix anything,
My heart, my attitude, my everything.
Wow, it turns out that co-dependency isn't just a river in Egypt. I doubt Monica can brush her teeth without this guy's assistance. I'm not bothered by Monica having to rely so heavily on her man, Mr. Fix-It ("Fix" for short). I am bothered by the fact that she's so bored by her own thesis, she heartlessly abandons it by the side of the road. Then she drives off erratically, speeding. But the poem's central idea has a quick revenge, because immediately wrecks the car, then throws the junker into reverse to pick up the idea again. This poem is 20 lines long, and I think that Monica was determined to get to that plateau because she repeats the poem's refrain three times. He can repair her heart...and her outlook on life...everything, really, and well, that explains that. Everything else is just filler.
Speaking about filler, I'd like Monica to explain what she means when she claims that his "atmosphere is filled with imaginable things." A place can have atmosphere, a planet can have an atmosphere, an environment can have an atmosphere, but I'm not sure a person can have an atmosphere. But for the sake of our argument, let's say that a person can have such a thing. What are these imaginable things that fill his atmosphere? I think she is saying that this person has realistic goals, that the way ahead is clear, that he can see clearly now, the rain is gone (if there was any rain to speak of in the first place).
I was ready to suggest that Monica is talking about God, but I've never seen any Christianity poem describe their God as "Such a beautiful person inside and out." But maybe Monica is into really long beards? If so, is she really attracted to Iron & Wine too? And unless you're being interviewed by God post-mortem (and it's going really well) or you're standing by his side to introduce Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight, I don't think that any reverent person would talk about looking into his eyes. On the other hand, there is the fact that his voice is louder than a lion's roar. I just did a quick Google search and a lion's roar possesses 87 decibels. According to this neighborhood association's website, sound becomes "very annoying" at 100 decibels, equal to the sound of a chainsaw. So if I am to understand Monica correctly, this man has a painfully loud voice. However you look at it, it's an odd compliment -- especially when you consider it alongside the line "So manipulative in a good way that makes me shout." So if I am to understand Monica correctly again, this man has a painfully loud voice and he uses this voice to be manipulative--but in a good way! Not manipulative like a slimy used car salesman named Gus. Not manipulative like, say, Monica's ex-boyfriend, Mr. Do-It-Tomorrow, who never paid his share of the rent and HIS atmosphere was always full of unimaginable things, like Senator Fred Thompson -- naked and greased up for some reason.
Bad Poetry Grade [F = your standard bad poem; A+ = worst poem imaginable]: D-
Mr. Fix-It
by Monica; unknown location
Mr. Fix-It can fix anything my heart,
My attitude, my everything.
He's a man of honor, he's a man of grace,
He's a man of pride, I can see it in his face.
Whether it's a broken friendship,
Whether it's a loss of self-esteem,
A look in his eyes can be a guide,
A guide unto the path of my dream.
Mr. Fix-It can fix anything,
My heart, my attitude, my everything.
His atmosphere is filled with imaginable things.
Such a beautiful person inside and out,
So lovely that it makes me want to sing,
So manipulative in a good way that makes me shout.
His walk is invincible,
His voice is louder than a lion's roar.
Everything about him is amazing
And I wouldn't ask for anything more.
Mr. Fix-It can fix anything,
My heart, my attitude, my everything.
Wow, it turns out that co-dependency isn't just a river in Egypt. I doubt Monica can brush her teeth without this guy's assistance. I'm not bothered by Monica having to rely so heavily on her man, Mr. Fix-It ("Fix" for short). I am bothered by the fact that she's so bored by her own thesis, she heartlessly abandons it by the side of the road. Then she drives off erratically, speeding. But the poem's central idea has a quick revenge, because immediately wrecks the car, then throws the junker into reverse to pick up the idea again. This poem is 20 lines long, and I think that Monica was determined to get to that plateau because she repeats the poem's refrain three times. He can repair her heart...and her outlook on life...everything, really, and well, that explains that. Everything else is just filler.
Speaking about filler, I'd like Monica to explain what she means when she claims that his "atmosphere is filled with imaginable things." A place can have atmosphere, a planet can have an atmosphere, an environment can have an atmosphere, but I'm not sure a person can have an atmosphere. But for the sake of our argument, let's say that a person can have such a thing. What are these imaginable things that fill his atmosphere? I think she is saying that this person has realistic goals, that the way ahead is clear, that he can see clearly now, the rain is gone (if there was any rain to speak of in the first place).
I was ready to suggest that Monica is talking about God, but I've never seen any Christianity poem describe their God as "Such a beautiful person inside and out." But maybe Monica is into really long beards? If so, is she really attracted to Iron & Wine too? And unless you're being interviewed by God post-mortem (and it's going really well) or you're standing by his side to introduce Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight, I don't think that any reverent person would talk about looking into his eyes. On the other hand, there is the fact that his voice is louder than a lion's roar. I just did a quick Google search and a lion's roar possesses 87 decibels. According to this neighborhood association's website, sound becomes "very annoying" at 100 decibels, equal to the sound of a chainsaw. So if I am to understand Monica correctly, this man has a painfully loud voice. However you look at it, it's an odd compliment -- especially when you consider it alongside the line "So manipulative in a good way that makes me shout." So if I am to understand Monica correctly again, this man has a painfully loud voice and he uses this voice to be manipulative--but in a good way! Not manipulative like a slimy used car salesman named Gus. Not manipulative like, say, Monica's ex-boyfriend, Mr. Do-It-Tomorrow, who never paid his share of the rent and HIS atmosphere was always full of unimaginable things, like Senator Fred Thompson -- naked and greased up for some reason.
Bad Poetry Grade [F = your standard bad poem; A+ = worst poem imaginable]: D-
