Professor Roy and the Amazingly Bad Poetry (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} reallybadpoetry) wrote,@ 2007-11-01 21:54:00 |
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ABPJ Review - A Few Words For My Downing Daughter
A Few Words For My Downing Daughter
by Quentin; Cincinnati, OH
You my child are a true light,in the sky.
one that is truely a blessing,for all to see.
Your ray is a inviting one,I was truely given a gift form above.
You bright diamond in the ruft,
don't fear your light,Shine for all to see.
My most prized possesion i'm truely greatfull to
walk in your presence.
With a kiss from the forhead to the cheek.
I wrap you in a casing of love,warmth, and kindness.
You carry the joys of the world on your shoulders.
And as I hug you, i'm favored enough to feel those joys.
Stay or go my child, but forever know
that you are in my heart,my thoughts, and my good graces.
"I wrap you in a casing of love,warmth, and kindness" -- ooh, like a Hot Pocket? Yum. And Quinton shows his father-to-daughter affection with "a kiss from the forhead / to the cheek." So... he's kissing her with his forehead? Does he have an extra set of lips up there? Can they talk on their own? He's probably trying to say that these are the two spots where he can ... wait, there's no time for jokes! Oh no! For gods sake, man! Help! Fire! In the name of god, man, stop all of the gooshy language and save your daughter! She's drowning! She never learned how to tread water! I don't understand why you're still writing this crappy poem while your daughter is drowning! Oh wait... it's not drowning, is it? It's "downing." Well, that makes a whole lot more sense. Thank god for that. Keep an eye on her, though. Keep her away from the jacuzzi.
Very strange that Quentin comes close to spelling "possession" correctly, but "darling" somehow becomes "downing." Is this somehow a reference to the Prime Minister's office in London: Downing St.? If we were going to excuse Quentin, we might say that he was spelling it phonetically--except there's no way you can get "darling" out of "downing." In all seriousness, when I first read the title of this poem, I thought he must have meant "Drowning" and by "Drowning," he meant "Drowned." I was suddenly reminded of the poem "Elegy for Jane (My student, thrown by a horse)" by Roethke, and thought I would pass on this one because I'm not so cold as to poke fun at the death of a child ... but after finding that the poem did not include any references to water, to death, to a funeral, etc., I concluded that no one was dead. Thank goodness for that.
As long as we're here, it's worth pointing out that a "diamond in the ruft [rough]" is not a compliment. I'll allow that Quentin might be alluding to the awkwardness of her teenage years, but it's still not something you'd want to use in an any sort of ode. "Sure, you're all knees and elbows now," Quentin is essentially saying, "and I'd rather kiss a monkfish than listen to you whine about the other girls in your math class, but you're going to be a diamond someday, my darling shiny piece of coal!"
"Daddy, how can I shine if I'm a diamond in the rough?"
"..."
"Yeah, I thought so. I'm going to Vegas to pursue a lucrative career as a stripper."
Bad Poetry Grade [F = your standard bad poem; A+ = worst poem imaginable]: B+ for the "downing" alone.
A Few Words For My Downing Daughter
by Quentin; Cincinnati, OH
You my child are a true light,in the sky.
one that is truely a blessing,for all to see.
Your ray is a inviting one,I was truely given a gift form above.
You bright diamond in the ruft,
don't fear your light,Shine for all to see.
My most prized possesion i'm truely greatfull to
walk in your presence.
With a kiss from the forhead to the cheek.
I wrap you in a casing of love,warmth, and kindness.
You carry the joys of the world on your shoulders.
And as I hug you, i'm favored enough to feel those joys.
Stay or go my child, but forever know
that you are in my heart,my thoughts, and my good graces.
"I wrap you in a casing of love,warmth, and kindness" -- ooh, like a Hot Pocket? Yum. And Quinton shows his father-to-daughter affection with "a kiss from the forhead / to the cheek." So... he's kissing her with his forehead? Does he have an extra set of lips up there? Can they talk on their own? He's probably trying to say that these are the two spots where he can ... wait, there's no time for jokes! Oh no! For gods sake, man! Help! Fire! In the name of god, man, stop all of the gooshy language and save your daughter! She's drowning! She never learned how to tread water! I don't understand why you're still writing this crappy poem while your daughter is drowning! Oh wait... it's not drowning, is it? It's "downing." Well, that makes a whole lot more sense. Thank god for that. Keep an eye on her, though. Keep her away from the jacuzzi.
Very strange that Quentin comes close to spelling "possession" correctly, but "darling" somehow becomes "downing." Is this somehow a reference to the Prime Minister's office in London: Downing St.? If we were going to excuse Quentin, we might say that he was spelling it phonetically--except there's no way you can get "darling" out of "downing." In all seriousness, when I first read the title of this poem, I thought he must have meant "Drowning" and by "Drowning," he meant "Drowned." I was suddenly reminded of the poem "Elegy for Jane (My student, thrown by a horse)" by Roethke, and thought I would pass on this one because I'm not so cold as to poke fun at the death of a child ... but after finding that the poem did not include any references to water, to death, to a funeral, etc., I concluded that no one was dead. Thank goodness for that.
As long as we're here, it's worth pointing out that a "diamond in the ruft [rough]" is not a compliment. I'll allow that Quentin might be alluding to the awkwardness of her teenage years, but it's still not something you'd want to use in an any sort of ode. "Sure, you're all knees and elbows now," Quentin is essentially saying, "and I'd rather kiss a monkfish than listen to you whine about the other girls in your math class, but you're going to be a diamond someday, my darling shiny piece of coal!"
"Daddy, how can I shine if I'm a diamond in the rough?"
"..."
"Yeah, I thought so. I'm going to Vegas to pursue a lucrative career as a stripper."
Bad Poetry Grade [F = your standard bad poem; A+ = worst poem imaginable]: B+ for the "downing" alone.
