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Professor Roy and the Amazingly Bad Poetry Journal

9th May, 2005. 8:14 pm. Amazingly Bad Poetry Review - Beholding

Beholding
by Ana; Mission Viejo, CA

In the languor of twilight I behold you.
Let me marvel at the splendor of your beautiful manliness,
the freshness like green grass, the curve of well-cut biceps
and your smile

Your smile is like the shyness of a deer approaching
and the loveliness of it like the fleeting ray
of sunshine cutting through the gray.
Darting it came, darting it went,
but it is captured; I will not release it.
It is forever sealed, forever kept, and it is mine

This is the way your youth bedazzles:
Like dewdrops in the morning sun,
like an oriental lily, the prettiness of bloom
that vanishes tomorrow, and as I gaze upon it
I feel it must be cherished because its glory, like the day lily
belongs to today and today only; so let me marvel at the splendor
of your beautiful manliness, your predatory gaze and your disarming smile.


If I happened to be this studmuffin Adonis that Ana is drowning in praise, I would be tremendously embarassed. Hopefully he'll never see it. First of all, I don't think it matters how beautiful your manliness is -- it's what you do with it that counts. Or is it the gerth that matters? I've received differing opinions. What do you suppose she means by "freshness?" Is Mr. Perfect vaccum-sealed to lock in his freshness? Is he going to run out of batteries? Or is she talking about his fresh opinions and ideas? Or is it a reference to his age? He's fresh and unspoiled and ripe for the picking. It's a terrifying idea, but what if Ana is playing a Mrs. Robinson to the college freshman who cleans her pool? After all, she does say later, "this is the way your youth bedazzles" -- eeeeugh! In case you hadn't already realized, this is the same person who wrote "Colors." Because of the "Luann"-like subject matter, I assumed Ana was a teenager. Perhaps I was wrong. Maybe this is just an ode to a poolboy. If that's the case, I think Ana's talents are better suited for romance novels with titles like "My Roguish Rebel" -- that, or porn screenplays with titles like "Clean My Filter XI"

Because of the free-form, off-the-cuff, improvised style that so many ABPJ poets share, his smile warrants its own stanza. I would be concerned if the second stanza *didn't* make your head hurt. "Your smile is like the shyness of a deer approaching / and the loveliness of it like the fleeting ray" -- a question for you, Ana: which part of his smile is like a deer and which part is like Ray Charles? Oh, wait, my mistake, that's a ray of sunshine, not Ray Charles. Sorry, that useless linebreak threw me off. Forgive my chauvinism, but there's something awfully ... girly about this poem dedicated to a man. I had to remind myself of the references to "manliness" lest this poem is actually about a woman. All you would have to do is change 'manliness' to 'femininity' and substitute 'breasts' for 'biceps' (optional), and boom, the poem is about a woman. No one is going to question referrences to deer, rays of sunshine and lily blossoms in an ode to a woman, but as it stands, I think it goes against her manliness clain. I'm not sure who is more confused: Ana or her subject? Maybe it's about a particularly manly woman. Nothing wrong with that.

When I read this poem to a friend of mine, he responded with "Duplicitious motherfucker." In stanza two, the smile is like "the shyness of a deer approaching." By stanza three, the smile has become disarming. Add to that his "predatory gaze." You have to watch out for those vicious flesh-eating does. His smile is saying one thing -- or rather, two things (it's shy and disarming simultaneously) -- but his gaze is predatory. He's a jungle cat stalking a helpless monkey. He's a Greek god chasing down a woman he wishes to lie with. I'm befuddled. Ana has described him as someone who is about as aggressive as a kitten, but then she throws in 'predatory?' "Yes, he's kind and peaceful and shy but don't get him wrong, he wants me in every way that a man can have a woman." -- is that what we're to infer?

Why is she so concerned with his youth disappearing? His smile is also elusive and in danger of getting away. "Darting it came, darting it went," -- translation: he's scared of you. Note how possessive she is. She might as well be a two-year-old saying "Mine! Mine! Mine!" Here's an idea - maybe he's just a gigolo. That would explain a lot. "Hey, are you just going to stare at me all night, lady? ... ... you do realize you still hafta pay me..."

Bad Poetry Grade [F = your standard bad poem; A+ = worst poem imaginable]: B-
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